introspection- the ugly truth

AND the guy with gun said to the girl,"i may die today , but what matters is when at end you ask yourself "are u proud of whatever u did??" and ur conscience says " hell yeah" and i cn hear it,so i m happy" !!! Though itz nt my end bt wen ask this to myself,i just dont hear that roger thing!!!!! this blog space has been abt xplorin the unxplored...so b4 xploring ne thng else i thnk i shud xplore myself.....!!! Here it goes, well the list is quite long....to start with....i hav bin lyng ovr n vr agn n agn.....b4 i din knw y m i lyk dis....bt nw sinc the mission introspection is ON i vry well knw y? the most basic rezn is i dun hav guts to face the cons. wic cud spring out after the true beans are spilled...there isnt a single persn who knws all the truth abt me ....i m scared i dun no why bt i m..... i hav bin lying to my frnds ,though dey dun know abt it...okay lets take an xample....i had a girlfriend named saba...how xactly she became my gf...?? if i hadnt lied on this questn i wudnt hav manu nd some othr ppl in my life....!!! y i din go fr bits pilani??? hadnt i lied on this i wudnt hav monika kajal vinay rashi shewta rahul in my life.....i hav bin playing alot with people's emotion ,a lot !!!! what xactly i thnk of diksha n priya ??? oh man i hav bin lying on this lyk a tank full of water !!!! y i broke up with astha??? well i wudnt evn dre to write this here nd nd y i still want to be in touch with her?? i dare not to evn thnk of it...!!!! one lie aftr the other just made me ths way...things worked if i lied so i thot this is the only solution bt nt ne mor.... i want to be a bettr prsn nd repent bt the thng is if i at this point of tym shoot the truth no doubt i'd b a bttr person bt i'd b surely hell lonley!!! tough call!!!

last nyt i thot ovr n ovr nd found a way....i m gonna start all over again bt dis tym will earn ppl with truth!!! sinc almst all the relations i hav are upon the dead bodies of lies,i declare em null n void!!!! if i confront all da truth ,thn obviously they will move out with hell loads of hatred,wic is i guess nt acceptabl,so i vl jus walk away...... evn aftr all da evnts nd introspection i dun hav the courage to confess...bt rome wasnt built in a day,nd i vl too gradually devlop the courage fr a truthful future.... sorry if i had hurt sum1 ,bt dis tym i m just being honest to myslf !!!! nd fr mor such honest confession i vl kip bloggin ! PEACE!